I awoke on the morning of my wedding feeling like I’d been hit like a freight train. Maybe staying up until sunrise was not the best idea, but seeing Taylor was all that mattered to me. I felt a million times better knowing that I got to spend some time alone with him last night. After staring up at the ceiling for a few minutes, I sat up to stretch, rub my eyes, and scratch my rat’s nest on my head before rising from the mattress to find out what all the other ladies were up to; there certainly was a commotion going on throughout the apartment, I just seemed to have slept through it up until now. I caught my reflection in the mirror that hung on the back of our bedroom door as I went to leave the room and grimaced. I couldn’t believe Taylor had seen what I looked like first thing in the morning and still wanted to marry me. I smoothed down my hair as best I could and grabbed the tie that was around my wrist and twisted it up as I left the bedroom to say hello to everyone. However, I was not ready for the enthusiasm I was met with.

When I entered the kitchenette and dining room where the girls were sat and Diana and my mother were hard at work making an extravagant breakfast, I was shocked to get clapping, cheering, and a lot of aw-ing. My cheeks flushed red as my mother’s eyes filled with tears and her and Diana rushed to hug me tightly.

“Here’s the bride!” Diana beamed as she held me to her and rocked the three of us back and forth. I smiled sheepishly as she released me and held me at arms length. “Oh sweetie I can’t wait for later! You’re positively glowing! I could not ask for a better daughter in-law or family either!” she wiped a tear or two from her eyes as I thanked her and went to hug my mom good morning better than I had already tried.

“I really can’t believe you’re getting married in a little while” she whispered to me as she pulled me into her arms. I could only shrug and nod against her shoulder. I had barely joined the land of the living and I was not ready to deal with the emotions everyone was going through and that were going to come with the rest of the day.

I offered her a smile as well and decided to distract them from the festivities by asking for breakfast. They both jumped to attention and insisted I sit with the girls while they fixed me a plate. I was not allowed to lift a finger, today of all days, so I thanked them both as I joined the rest of the girls at the table. They were munching on some scrambled eggs and playing another round of Uno. I smiled to myself as I sat down among them.

“Hey Liz, want to play?” Zoe asked looking extremely hopeful.

“Sure, but, next round. I don’t want to interrupt” she smiled in response and went back to her turn as the other girls and I made small talk.

“Liz, are you nervous?” my sister asked while she looked up briefly from her cards.

“Um, Yeah I guess so. The pressure is on. I am and I’m not. It’s hard to explain really” I swallowed thickly. Now that she brought it up, I was down-right petrified. Nervous wasn’t even on my radar.

“I can’t wait to see everything put together. How are you doing your hair and stuff?” Jess asked. Ahh! What was with all the questions before my eyes were fully open?

“I’m not sure. I hadn’t thought about my hair. I guess I’ll curl it or something” I leaned over my sister’s plate and grabbed her toast to take a bite. I needed something in my system while I waited for my own breakfast because I was starting to feel nauseas. The girls went on about their chatter, discussing what the wedding would be like, while I retreated into my own head. The butterflies were scurrying throughout my body and by time my mother set my breakfast down in front of me, I couldn’t even look at it, let alone eat it. I politely declined, pleading with her that my nerves were too shot to eat right now. She reluctantly let me go, even though she reprimanded me that I needed something in my stomach, and instead, I escaped to the bathroom to shower before we left for the church to get ready.

I locked the bathroom door and made the spray in the shower slightly cold as I shed my clothes and stepped in. I was nervous and sweating and needed the water to cool me off and bring me back to earth. I wasn’t nervous about my life with Taylor, or becoming a Hanson even. We had talked about every aspect of married life to death, and we were both finally comfortable with how we would handle it all. At this point I was in a tizzy over the regular aspects of a wedding. If it had just been me and Tay, in our prom attire, keeping it secret, I may have been fine. Now, however, there was family, flowers, bridesmaids, groomsmen, and a white dress involved. Every member of our family was going to witness us and hang on every word we recited to each other, gushing over our love, and watching us kiss to seal the deal. Maybe it was the fact I was super shy, sometimes even in front of Taylor still, or maybe I wasn’t completely ready to grow up, but I knew I had to just take some deep breaths and let this day happen. I wasn’t going to back out. I needed to marry him, probably more than he needed to marry me even. I told myself to inhale and exhale slowly over and over again as I went through the routine of washing my hair, shaving my legs, and doing all the girly soaping up to make sure I smelled nice and pretty for such an important day.

After I gathered my emotions as best I could, I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. I grabbed the towel off of the rack next to me and dried off before securing it around me and moving to the mirror to dry my hair and finish all I needed to in the bathroom. I studied my reflection for a minute or two, wondering if I could truly pull this whole “bride” effect off in such a short amount of time before the butterflies came back to life. I closed my eyes and talked myself down once again and left the bathroom before I could worry myself anymore.

When I stepped out into the small space between the bathroom and bedroom, I was surrounded by all the women in the apartment. As a group they moved me into the bedroom and fussed over me while I slipped a light pair of sweats on, threw my hair on my head, and gave me a light jacket as well that read “bride” across my back. It was slightly awkward having all of them get me ready, but I smiled at the bridal gift I received as my mother and mother in-law led me back to the kitchen.

“Girls, get Liz’s bags ready to go for us please. We’re leaving soon!” Diana called to the younger ones as she and my mother plopped me down at the small stool on the side of the island.

“Elizabeth Ann.. you put something in your stomach this minute or you are not getting married today” my mother stared daggers at me as she shoved my plate back in my face. The overwhelming aroma of waffles and eggs that I normally loved made me want to vomit at this minute. I turned to Diana next to me with the best sad eyes I could muster, hoping my soon-to-be mother in-law would take my side. That was their job right? Wrong!

“Don’t make me call my son and disappoint him. You need to eat something or you’ll faint in the middle of the aisle. Every bride gets jitters and I know you’re nervous, I can tell, so you need something in your system, right now young lady.” She meant business and clearly I wasn’t getting help from anyone right now. My mother stayed with me as I forced a few bites into my mouth and Diana went to help the girls get everyone’s bags into the van the family brought up here. I stayed quiet with my mother watching me as I put bite after bite forcefully into my mouth. I was too pre-occupied to even attempt to enjoy it, but finally, she was satisfied with my attempted progress. She threw my dish in the sink, and escorted me out of the apartment. We were finally on our way to the church.

I could not for the life of me, remember what the ride there was like. I heard the girls chattering away, and I think I heard my name called a couple of times, but I was too focused on the tightness I was feeling in my throat. My stomach would not stop flipping over itself, my palms were sweating, and I could feel my whole body trembling. Is this what the “cold feet” thing felt like? I wasn’t enjoying it. Why was I feeling so weird when I knew that this is what I wanted and that Taylor and I were beyond meant to be, that there was no way that this was a wrong decision. I fully believed that, I believed in us. I couldn’t place why I was feeling so terrible.

When we pulled up in the back lot of the church where the doors to get inside to the back rooms were located, I only felt worse. All the guys were there already, and I caught a glimpse of them hanging around outside. They were already all dressed, in their suits, ready to get this show on the road. They all looked so handsome, and among my terrible feelings, I was so happy they were my family. I could see Taylor too, from the back, and I was ready to faint. Even the back of him looked perfect. How the heck was I going to measure up? Cue the nausea yet again. I must have had some angel on my side, because all I wanted in that moment was to vomit everywhere, or run crying to Taylor so he’d help me breathe, and it didn’t look like I’d be getting either of those wishes granted any time soon. I needed to relax on my own, or I’d never get through the next few hours.

Suddenly, and without warning, I was pushed down against the backseat of the van where I was sitting, waiting to go inside. I looked up from where my face was smushed into the cushion to see my sister and Avery holding me down.

“Guys, what the heck? Let me up! Please!?” I squeaked and pleaded with them.

“No way, Taylor’s outside and he can’t see you” Avery scolded, “Al, I’m going to go get them away from the doors and when I wave to you, get Liz inside. She can’t be seen” she instructed my sister firmly before she opened the side door and hopped out with Jess and Zoe hot on her heels. I could hear their feet hitting the pavement as they ran to their brothers and both of the fathers to yell at them to get away from the doors. Ali was too busy awaiting her signal, and I was able to sit up ever so slightly and catch another glimpse at the men in my life. This time, I was met with a pair of eyes; Taylor’s eyes. Even from about fifteen feet away, I could feel his gaze burning into me. I offered a small smirk and lifted my hand that wasn’t being pinned to wave my pointer finger at him. He smiled back and mouthed a small ‘I love you’ discretely before he turned back to his younger sisters and obeyed their commands to get away. Ali finally let me up, meaning it was safe for us to head inside. I was feeling a lot better when I hopped out of the car. Just that split second with Taylor made me feel twenty pounds lighter. I took a deep breath as I grabbed one of my bags from the car and made my way in to my “bridal suite” with the rest of the girls in tow.

Chapter 6 | Guestbook