As we all swam, a million thoughts flooded into my brain. The comment Taylor made about my looks, and the things Isaac and Zac told me about Taylor’s crush and all the details that went with it. I decided to make my way down to the 3ft shallow area where I could organize my racing brain, relax in calmer water, and soak up some sun away from my group. When I got there, I leaned up against the wall of the pool, leaned my head back, and closed my eyes. I felt like I was just about to doze off when I heard a voice right in front of me.

“Avoiding me or something?” I sat upright and locked eyes with Taylor. He was mere inches from my face, and had quite a concerned look painted on his. “Are we okay?”

“Yeah, we’re okay. Is there anything you want or might need to tell me though?” I asked, raising my eyebrow at him.

“What would I need to tell……….. oh, my, god. Those morons! They told you everything didn’t they?? It all makes sense now. I’m such an idiot. I ruin everything. I find a really awesome girl and I destroy my chances by shooting my mouth off and letting my feelings get the best of me. I’m so insanely sorry. I’m the biggest jerk.” He went on and on. “I’m humiliated. I should just stop talking and swim away. Now it’s weird. No wonder you’re staying away from me. You know how much I like you. I didn’t mean for it to happen. We get each other, you get me, and I was just so amazed at our friendship. I knew I was going away on tour. I couldn’t bring myself to go so far away from you without at least coming here first to try and see if we could make something work. You’ve become so important to me. I need you in my life, and now between me and my brothers, it’s all messed up. That’s why you’re dodging me. I can’t apologize enough. I’m mortified. I’ve never had a girlfriend so I don’t know how to handle this. I should just go back to the group and let you relax…” He kept babbling as he started swimming away. Before I could think, I reached out and caught his hand.

“I’m not avoiding you. I don’t want you to go. Let’s talk about this” I said as I held onto his hand, trying to get him to come back towards me. For a second, he looked into the water at our intertwined fingers, and then at me smiling, but he remained quiet, waiting for me to speak. “I don’t want to talk about it now though, around everyone, especially your brothers and my friend. On the walk home we can take a different way and try to figure everything out. Cool?”

“Cool” he simply stated. We exchanged another smile and re-joined our friends for awhile longer.

“Awhile” turned into half the day. The five of us swam, got snacks, fixed up a tan, rested at our lounge chairs, and personally; between me and Taylor, did quite a bit of flirting as well. When Zac and Ike noticed how burned Crista and I had gotten from our day in the sun, we decided to call it a day and find something else to do. Isaac was planning on getting on a train later to head to New York to meet up with some friends for the night, Taylor and I had talking to do, and Zac seemed attached to Crista. I think they were trying to make some plans of their own. We all packed up our stuff from the afternoon, and headed off.

As soon as we left the front gates of the club, I handed Ike my house key and told him he was in charge of it. I explained to him quietly that Taylor and I were taking a round-about way home, gave him a hug, and thanked him for the talk before. He smiled, and wished us good luck before instructing Zac and Crista to come with him back to my house to change. When the other two realized Taylor and I were breaking off from the group, they shouted comments our way and laughed hysterically before following Isaac and leaving the two of us alone to talk. I brought myself to look up at him and he looked down at me and smiled.

“Lead the way..” he said using his hand to present our potential path home, and I started walking with him at my side. We went slowly, and he offered to take my backpack from me so I could give my sunburn a rest. We made small talk as we covered more ground, slowly but surely. After some pointless chat about the guys’ flight in, the day we had, and what we might hear from everyone else when we got in, we fell into a bit of silence.

“So…” I started as we walked by the local park.

“Yeah…” he shrugged and looked at the ground.

“Let’s go sit on those swings over there and we can talk..” I gestured as I walked off, getting a head start of him. He caught up quickly as we walked in silence to the set of swings that sat empty next to my old elementary school. I sat down, suddenly feeling really drained; physically and emotionally. I kicked my flip flops off, dug my feet into the sand, and began rocking the swing back and forth slowly. I watched as Taylor set my backpack down, sat on the swing next to me, and copied my moves. The silence continued.

“I’m not really sure what to say here Liz. I messed up so badly. I’ve never done this before, and the last thing I ever want is to scare you away from me. What should we do? I can’t help how I feel, but if you…just…don’t feel the same….” He paused and swallowed hard before he could continue, “I’ll do anything you need me to so that I can suppress it and we can still be friends. You are the first person, and only fan I’ve ever encountered that didn’t write me a love letter, or propose to me on the spot, or scream when I told you my name on the phone. You didn’t freak out when I showed up at your house, or put on an act around me. You treated me like a real, living, breathing person. Fame doesn’t matter to you. It was my mood, my feelings, my passion, what books I was reading, why I love rollerblading and soccer so much, and my music as an art itself. You didn’t ask for concert tickets, backstage passes, free merchandise, what events I was going to, or what kind of money I have. Not that I don’t enjoy talking about my music, and I don’t mind when you ask me about it. That just makes it even more special to me, that you care enough to ask, but at the same time, you know I’m more than just famous. I appreciate all of that so much, I couldn’t help the things I was beginning to think. When we weren’t talking on the phone, I wanted to call you. I usually did too. When we weren’t sending e-mails, I obsessively stared at my inbox just waiting. When we weren’t visiting, all I could think about was when I could see you again. You’re really the only person outside of my family, I can trust, and that makes me feel alive. You’re my best friend, and I needed to be honest with you. I’m so sorry I’m throwing all of this at you. I can’t lose you. I’ll do whatever you want me to. I’ll even leave if it’s too weird. I just can’t leave for tour not knowing, knowing what we could be…” I could feel him looking at me the entire time he spoke. I just couldn’t bring myself to face him.

It felt like hours had passed, and still I sat frozen on the swing, looking more and more like an idiot. My mind was going a million miles a minute and I felt awful for leaving Taylor hanging like this, just waiting for some kind of answer from me. I guess I had kept him waiting for too long because next thing I knew, he was off the swing and came and knelt down in the sand in front of me. I had no choice but to look at him.

“Say something Liz, please. This silence is killing me. What do we do?”

I groaned and hung my head almost wanting to cry. “God Taylor. I don’t know. I like you so much that it’s scaring me. The most ridiculous thing is, I honestly didn’t even realize it until your brothers said something. One day, a long time ago, I had a ridiculous crush on you, and I’m so embarrassed to admit that. I don’t want to be that girl. I didn’t grow up that way, and that’s not who I am. I don’t want to be some fan that just lucked out. It’s not about that anymore. Yeah, I was stupid writing to you, probably sounded like an idiot too. I just felt so strongly for some reason, that you needed to know that I existed, and that I was supporting what you guys were doing. In a moment of honest insanity, I jotted down my number; that made me look even more mental. I’m not sure to this day why you called me, but when you did, and we talked, person to person, it was just about two people getting to know each other. Since then, my fan image of you went out the window completely. You’re just Taylor, and my best friend too. I’m so so so thankful for what we have. I didn’t think anything of that old crush I used to have until both your brothers spilled the beans, then something in my brain clicked too, and I’ve been looking at you and thinking of you differently, as maybe, something so much more. That scares me, a lot…”

“Why does it scare you? It scares me too. I knew the kind of chance I was taking back then. Your letter was not what I thought it would be when it was originally handed over. You’re a fan to me when it comes to the music, you like our music and I am thankful for that, but that’s where the dedication ends. The rest is just about you and me, and everything we’ve become so far. I trust this feeling that I have, that we could really be something great, if you give me a chance…” he exhaled slowly, but continued, “you think you were lucky when I called you? I was lucky when you wrote to me. We’re the same, and you really get me. Honestly, please? Give us a chance…”

“What if something goes wrong? What if we mess it up? We’re young, and I don’t want to fall apart like everyone else. If we lose the relationship, I lose my best friend too. I can’t live with that. I know we’re young, but I know what I want when it comes to feelings, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m not sure I’d ever be able to let you go. Not that I can now, but once we’re an ‘us’ there would be no going back for me.”

“I wouldn’t let anything happen to us. I’ve honestly never felt this way before. It won’t always be easy, but I can only imagine it getting so much better from here. I’ll do anything and everything I can to keep you happy. I’ll always fight for you, and for us. I know my life is complicated, but I’m hoping you’ll be up for a ton of adventures, and any difficulties, we’ll get through as one.”

We stared at each other for a long time, but the silence was back. Again, minutes felt like hours. I just couldn’t keep him waiting anymore. He was too convincing, I really liked him, and he was the only part of my life that was constant, and such a sure thing. I had to take a chance.

“Okay… let’s do it. I trust you” I said quietly. I couldn’t help but smile a bit. Was this really happening?

His eyes got insanely bright in a split second. “Really? You mean it? You’ll be my girlfriend?” He stood up and pulled me out of my swing into a tight hug before I could even answer him. We stood there for a moment, feeling each other breathe, then he pulled away and looked into my eyes and smiled.

“Yeah, and you’ll be my boyfriend.. why not?” I shrugged and looked up at him. He laughed and hugged me to him again, only tighter this time. I let time pass and felt comfortable in his arms until I remembered something. Something we couldn’t avoid.

“Taylor”

“Yeah?”

“What do we do about your fans?”

“We’ll figure it out. We’ll do it right. I’ll ask my parents and some of the record reps how to let the fans know in interviews and things, and if we go anywhere together, I’ll keep you right by my side. It’ll be okay..” he spoke above my head, not letting me leave his arms for a second, but I pulled away.

“No Taylor. I don’t want to be out in the middle of your fan base. They’ll kill me. You’re the most popular member of the band and they’ll be devastated. They’ll follow us around, and find out where I’m from and get pictures, I’ll be judged and mocked. I like my normal life. I like us exactly how we’ve been. You can escape here and just be you. No one knows but us. We can come and go as we please, we aren’t bothered” I replied looking deep into his eyes so that he knew I was serious and scared.

“You make me so happy though. You have since the moment I first called you, I want the fans to know I’m happy and why. It’s because of you.”

I hung my head, “Tay I…I can’t do that. I like how my life is just being plain old me. I’m sorry. I was never comfortable when my dad’s customers knew who I was at his shows, and I won’t be comfortable with your fans finding out about my life either. I know that’s asking too much already, especially knowing how your life is. I shouldn’t be asking for anything. I have no right…” I finally looked at at him with tears in my eyes. I felt terrible. If I was going to be with him, I should have shut up and just let him have his way, but I always liked being a private person and I couldn’t give that up if I could help it.

He brought a thumb up and wiped right under my eye before a single tear spilled over, “Okay, whatever you want. I said I’d do anything for you, and you’re right. I didn’t think about how this might affect you. I’ll figure it out. I’ll keep quiet. I’ll do whatever I can to keep you safe and protected. I swear I will”. He hugged me close again.

“Thank you…” I couldn’t think of anything more to say to him at that moment.

“Come on. Let’s get you back home and we can rest before we figure out the rest of the night” . He grabbed my backpack out of the sand, we put our sandals back on, he took my hand in his, and we continued our walk home.

Chapter 6 | Guestbook