I felt like an hour had passed at least before Taylor looked back at me and then got up and went storming over to Zac, shoving him as hard as possible, knocking him right down before any of us could even begin to react.

“You fucking did what!?!” Taylor bugged out and pushed him down hard again as Zac stood up. He made no move to defend himself, almost like he didn’t deserve to, and I couldn’t let this continue. Without thinking more than that, I was off the couch and in between Taylor and Zac so the fight couldn’t progress. I took Taylor’s face in my hands and stroked his cheeks repeatedly. Zac stayed put on the floor where he fell and Isaac still had his mouth open in shock.

“Shh.. Tay. Taylor. Look at me please. Calm down Tay, and look at me” Taylor’s eyes were wide with rage, to the point I didn’t think I had ever seen him that angry. When he looked at me, his eyes softened just slightly, but his nostrils were still flaring. “Shh…shhh Taylor stop. He didn’t mean it and it’s not what you’re thinking. I was freezing and crying and exhausted. He was warming me up and trying to get me inside and knew I was having a horrible night. He just gave me a quick kiss to make me feel better. I love him Taylor, you know I do. I need your brothers in my life almost as much as I need you. Please don’t do this Taylor, you know I love you and I want to be with you and no one one else. I would die for you. Zac and I are close, we’ve been close since I started talking to you guys on the phone and I’m always giving him kisses on the head and cheeks and stuff. He really helped me out today when I was having a really tough time. We both got you a ton of birthday presents and he helped me with a lot of stuff I’m stressed about. You helped me too, you know you did. You held my hair back and took care of me, and treated me like a princess at dinner. I’m sorry I’m an asshole, I’m sorry I have low self esteem and can’t seem to take a compliment. Isaac is right. This shouldn’t have turned into a fight. Zac sat with me outside and warmed me up and told me how much you and I are meant to be together. He was just comforting me, he loves me just like I love him. You and I are supposed to be together forever. I know I gave you my ring back, and I wish I hadn’t, but I was so mad at you for not talking to me about this, about being with me when I was upset and trying to apologize, for letting me sit outside alone when I was cold and crying. I know I have issues with all the compliment crap, I said I was sorry, and I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know what else you want. I guess you can think about that. I can’t do this anymore tonight. I know we had an amazing party, and it’s your birthday now technically, but today has been too much, and I’m going to bed. I love you Taylor. I always have, but I guess now you need to think about what you want, and if I’m not on your level and it’s not me after all, then that’s for me to deal with. Happy Birthday Tay, just try to really think about how much I love you.” I stood on my toes and placed a soft kiss on his lips as yet more tears slipped from my eyes. They looked like they were about to fall from his too, but I didn’t want to find out why, so just as he moved his thumbs to wipe the fallen tears from my eyes, I turned to his brothers to say goodnight. I stood on my toes to kiss Isaac on the cheek and gave him a hug so tight, I wanted to make sure I almost couldn’t breathe.

“Thank you for your chat and pep-talk Isaac. You’re the best older brother I never got to have. I don’t know what I’d do without you” he leaned his head on top of mine and rubbed my back while we held each other a bit longer. I didn’t want to let him go. When we parted, he kissed my head and told me he loved me too and that he’d hopefully see me tomorrow afternoon. I smiled and nodded before going over to squat down in front of Zac.

“Hey, are you okay? Come on, get up” I offered him a hand and he stood slowly. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears as he kept his eyes focused on Taylor. I noticed their interaction, challenging each other, and grabbed his face the same way I did to Taylor. “Hey, stop it. You two don’t need to fight about this. I’m affectionate with you guys, all of you, in different ways. I know you were trying to comfort me Zac, and I know you love me. I love you too and I appreciate everything you did for me today more than I can say. Don’t let something like this come between you two. You’re brothers and you work together and you love each other. Don’t be sad Zac. It’s going to be okay, at least that’s what I’m telling myself” I hugged him to me like I did to Isaac and we held each other tight a moment. I made him promise me we were still going to be the same as we were before tonight and he nodded. I also made him promise to hang in the afternoon with everyone and he smiled at me. I pointed my finger in his face and even turned to point it in Isaac’s as well to make sure they knew I was serious about our plans.

I looked to Taylor one more time. He stayed silent, he’d been almost completely silent since I got in the house from dinner, and in one hand, he still held my ring. I looked down at his clenched fist where a tiny part of a diamond sparkled, but was hidden away, and then up at him again. For the first time, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. My eyes welled up, but no tears came as I mouthed an, ‘I love you’ to him before passing all three brothers and climbing the stairs on my own, leaving the boys to figure everything out together. My heart was swelling, this time, in a horrible way. I wished Taylor would be his usual romantic self and chase after me and follow me up the stairs, catch me, wrap me in his arms, and carry me to bed to be close, make love, and whisper words of ‘sorry’ and countless ‘I love you’s’ until we just couldn’t anymore, but this time, that wasn’t the case. I will not cry, I will not cry.

I made it to my bedroom without a single tear escaping my eyes. I shut my door and went over to my bed. I lifted the covers and climbed beneath the sheets to put my head down. I curled up to a pillow that instantly smelled of Taylor. I clutched it tight to me and noticed my ring finger. It was completely naked. No symbol of love or promise sat there. It was mostly my fault, and I deserved that, but it still hurt knowing that the night just didn’t have to end this way. My mind was going a million miles a minute and I had to force myself to close my eyes and let sleep claim me before I could over analyze anymore of the situation and the tears took over again. I was so sick of crying.

I fell asleep quicker than I expected, because I just knew deep down that I could not stand another second of how the day unfolded. Aside from how wonderfully the party had gone, I wanted to erase the rest of it forever. I slept for hours, and no one joined me in my bed. I was usually a light sleeper, so I would know if Taylor had decided to join me or anything, but, he never did. The bed never moved with the weight of him and I knew I slept all night, feeling cold and empty.

I awoke to sun coming in my window and beating down on my face. It was so warm that I broke out in a sweat and had to sit up and throw my covers off. I was miserable still when I looked to the other side of the bed and just confirmed everything I already knew. I was rubbing sleep out of my eyes and grumbling about how hot I was when I noticed Taylor sitting in the rocking chair that occupied a corner of my room, opposite from where my bed was. We looked at each other and I felt my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces all over again.

“Hey, morning, and happy birthday… again…” I mumbled as I sat to face him and wrap the blankets up over me.

“Hi..” he mumbled back just as flatly.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. This was by far the MOST awkward situation and conversation we had ever had.

“Just, sitting…” he shrugged and dropped his gaze to his lap.

“Gotcha. How long have you been ‘just sitting’…” I pulled a pillow up further on my bed and laid down to rest again as I faced him sideways on my bed to attempt to talk and see if I still had a fiancé or even a boyfriend left after all this.

“Awhile, a couple of hours, or about an hour after you came up here alone”

“…and you just sat there all night? You didn’t come lay with me, or wake me up to yell at me, or go to the hotel with your brothers to sleep? I’ve apologized Taylor. I’ve apologized to you several times. I don’t understand any of what happened after the party even happened. I don’t know why we fought, why we didn’t go to the beach, or why I gave the ring back, or why Zac was comforting me and not you, why you won’t accept my apology, or why you’re still here if I haven’t gotten even 15 words out of you since we were in the car last night. This is killing me Taylor. I said I was sorry. I don’t know what you want. I’m already stressed and you know that. We just said yesterday we were going to get through things together and then we just wound up fighting about something stupid. I don’t understand why you got so upset with me about not taking a compliment, but if it offends you that much, I’ll just shut up from now on, no matter how insecure I am. Our engagement party was ruined, my dress was ruined, our date and alone time we wanted and needed, and now your birthday…I can’t say anything else, so you just need to decide then I guess” I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry.

“I just need to know one thing…” he stated as he got up from his chair and came to sit at the foot of my bed next to where I was laying.

“Okay…shoot…” I sighed. I already felt like I had lost for some reason. He’d been reacting so oddly to me lately. We spent yesterday afternoon apart, he said he wouldn’t be mad at me anymore, we napped, he held my hair back while I puked, rendered me speechless in the middle of my kitchen, was my knight in shining armor during dinner, then flipped on me in the car because of something I said, wouldn’t talk to me or take care of me, then sat in my room and watched me sleep all night? Was I correct in this? Good, okay, just checking. I have no idea what’s going on either.

“Did you kiss Zac back?” he looked at me intently, suddenly frozen. I think he was holding his breath.

“No. Not at all. I will admit that I couldn’t move for a second because my mind was all over the place, confused over you and where we went wrong, so I didn’t stop him, but after that second, I pushed him away. It didn’t mean anything. He knew I had a horrendous night and was just trying to help. You saw me kiss both of your brothers last night. They’re family to me, and they mean the world to you, so in that case, they mean the world to me as well. He wasn’t trying to stick his tongue down my throat or get in my pants” I spoke slowly so that I knew he had heard every word that was coming out of my mouth.

“Then why would he feel the need to tell me, like he was guilty about it?” he huffed balling his hand into a fist. On instinct, I reached out to cover his hand with mine where it sat on the comforter to reassure him that nothing was wrong.

“I’m not sure why. I can’t answer that for you. You can believe me though can’t you? I have never lied to you and I would never lie to you. I know he felt guilty for being out there with me. It was not his place and he knew it, but he also knew that I needed someone because you weren’t listening to me, he was just trying to make me feel better and when I told him I screwed up, him and Ike were on the way instantly. Talk to him to get a better understanding of why he did what he did. We’re not IN LOVE, but we do love each other… I love AND am IN LOVE with you though Taylor. I wish you knew that after all this time, no matter how stubborn you can be sometimes” I smiled just a bit, but not entirely.
“I love you too, I really do, almost too much. I know you love me, I just wish you would let me be honest with you. I know you are not most girls, which is why I love you so much, and why I want you so badly, but most girls would enjoy having a man in their life that wants them and tells them so. I tell you how I feel and how you look and you just cover up and call me creepy and say you aren’t on my level, and on top of it, give this back to me” he held my ring out between his thumb and pointer finger and put it right in front of my face.

“You’re STILL holding that? How did it not fall out when you relaxed your muscles and slept?” I asked.

“It didn’t fall because I didn’t sleep Liz. You came back inside so angry with me, and I understand that. I screwed up too. I should not have reacted that way to you, but yes, I was hurt. If we’re going to be married, we should be comfortable telling each other how we feel. What does it matter that I told you that dress looked stunning on you last night? I’ve seen you naked a million times, that doesn’t even phase you as much. Fuck, Liz, I had my tongue and fingers in you before dinner! Yet I tell you the dress looked beautiful and you covered yourself up and said I was weird. You’re not supposed to just be my lover, my girlfriend, fiancé, future wife, and love of my life, but you’re my BEST FRIEND. You’re you, and I’m me, both our occupations aside. When all of it is taken away from both of us and we’re left standing in a room together with nothing else, I’m just me and you’re just you, and we love and have each other. We both need to work at this. Zac should NOT have kissed you, I could kill him for taking an opportunity to move in and take my place. I don’t want my birthday to be like this, I want us to be amazing again. I need you. I’m sorry for how I acted too.” He blushed and he finally smiled; a very tired smile, but a smile none-the-less.

“Yes, let’s work on it. We’ll talk to Zac too. He felt horrible about it. He felt sorry about the whole night too. We can talk to him when we see everyone for the rest of your birthday if you want” he shook his head, causing him to mess up his hair.

“No. We’re going out alone today. We didn’t get time last night, and I want my birthday with just you. We’ll see my family and everyone else tomorrow” he said.

“Okay, fine, whatever the birthday boy wants” I pulled him to lay down next to me and we wrapped our arms around each other. I was starting to feel complete again.

“The birthday boy wants something else” he whispered into my ear as he kissed my temple. I pulled back just enough to look into the most amazing blue eyes I had ever seen in my life. I stayed silent and just waited for him to continue. “Will you marry me, again? Will you accept your ring back? You do a better job at holding it than I do anyway…” he stated as he presented it to me again. I watched his eyes sparkle and then looked at the three significant ‘past, present, & future’ diamonds sparkling on the band in front of me. My heart fluttered as I held my left hand out to him and he slipped my ring back where it belonged before the right pair of lips took mine, sealing us with a kiss.

Chapter 40 | Guestbook